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Dear Daughter, I Fear I’m Not Enough

Dear Daughter,

I knew I wanted you the moment I knew I wanted to be a mother.

After having your brothers I felt I was ‘okay’ being a boy mom and I was, for a while anyway…

I tried to tell myself (and your father) that I was done having kids but your father knew I wanted a girl probably more than I did at the time.

It wasn’t that your brothers weren’t enough because they were, it was more that over the years I watched as your brothers grew to be much like your dad and I envied that.

I was proud to have my boys turn out like their dad because he is amazing in every single way.

But, I wanted that too.

I wanted a little mini-me I could teach things.

I wanted to have that mother-daughter bond so many talk about.

Sure, it was a 50/50 chance we’d have you – a daughter instead of another boy but the universe knew how much I wanted you.

And now that you’re here, I fear I am not enough.

I fear I am not enough of a woman to teach you how to be one.

I fear my insecurities will become your own.

I fear my lack of knowledge will inhibit you from growing into a bright woman one day.

I fear my mistakes will follow you for the rest of your life.

I fear that I won’t be strong enough to protect you from the world.

I fear that our relationship one day will be broken just like the many mother-daughter relationships are in our family.

I fear it ALL.

And maybe this is normal?

Maybe I am supposed to feel pressured because maybe, just maybe, that is what makes me be a better mom to you.

Maybe it’s one of the many tests in life.

Or maybe, my fears are unjustified.

I don’t have all the answers and I know I will make mistakes raising you. That’s a given.

But I want you to know that I am sorry for all the fears, doubts and insecurities I have in myself.

I am sorry for the mistakes that are yet to come.

But I can promise you one thing, I will always do my best.

I will always show you the amount of love you deserve.

I will always listen.

I will always have your back.

I will always do my best to raise daughter filled with dreams, and even better, one that accomplishes them.

As I sit here wondering how to just do your hair in a cute and girly way (when I can’t even do my own), I’ll try to pull myself together so I can be the mom you look up to one day.

A role model you are proud of.

My dear sweet girl, you are more than I could have ever wanted in a daughter and I am grateful your father never let me give up on my dreams of having you.

I love you

~ Your Mom